What to Expect at Relationship Counselling

Relationship counselling focuses on the relationship between two people seeing where improvements can be made. It involves problem-solving skills and effective communication taking each other's needs into account. Collaboration is essential and can lead to a happier, healthier, more balanced relationship. It is not a 'he said,' 'she said' scenario. The therapist facilitates an open, respectful environment where both sides' grievances are heard and processed.  

In the initial sessions, background information is given on both sides so the therapist can put a plan together with the couple. It can be helpful for the therapist to have an individual session with each partner separately after the first session to better gauge the situation. This can allow the therapist to see how the couple communicates together and alone. Bringing the unconscious to consciousness on both sides and showing how this can drive unexplained behaviours is vital too.  

The atmosphere will strive to be one without judgement, a safe space, boundaries, and confidentiality explained thoroughly by the therapist.  

Balance is important, and modelling the right relationship in the counselling room. Feedback is essential from the relationship and what they feel is working or not working about the therapy.  

When do you seek relationship counselling?

· When communication has broken down, and there is a pattern with the same arguments

·   When you feel you cannot express your feelings to your partner without judgement

·   There could be infidelity, addiction, or abuse in the relationship

·   There is anger and contempt in daily interactions

·   You feel that you have both drifted away and want to grow closer together again

·   The relationship has gotten stale

Whether you’re coupled, engaged, or married, relationship counselling may help. Face to face couples therapy is easily accomplished in a virtual setting. Book your first couples therapy session today.

What’s the aim of relationship counselling?

For both partners to get to a point where they can see issues from each other's points of view and strive not to repeat old maladaptive patterns of behaviour. Blaming and shaming is replaced with support for each other in the partnership, which is the relationship. The goal of the process is to remove roadblocks to communication and to engage social and family roles in supporting both parties.

Does family upbringing play a role in adult relationships?

In therapy by examining the family tree or genogram and looking at what was modelled in past generations on both sides can tell a lot about the current relationship in therapy. It also demonstrates the relationship that the couple can choose as it is not to be defined by what is in their lineage.

To be honest, counselling, in general, can benefit anyone, regardless of your relationship status. Single people and individuals in a relationship can benefit from therapy — even people in healthy marriages can benefit from individual or couples counselling. 

What skills do you learn in relationship counselling?

·   Resilience building and processing of emotions – The ability to bounce back when a negative or hurtful life event or interaction occurs. Having the space to have a voice and communicate your feelings and emotions deeply and fully is pertinent.

·   Productive communication skills- Looking at communication styles and noticing what antecedents come up for you about your body. Cultivating a mind, body, and spirit connecting and learning to catch yourself in the here and now before you react.

·   How to move past ruptures and old wounds- Seeing how much the past comes up in arguments and learning the ability to forgive for yourself and your own healing. Being realistic with each other and open and honest regarding past disputes.

·   Being in the here and now with each other- Focusing on what you can do today to improve the relationship. This involves taking ownership of one's behaviour and seeing where one can improve.

·   Learning to nurture one's relationship with oneself effectively and, in turn, being better as a relationship unit- Seeing how your self-concept and self-esteem can affect the relationship and learning to nurture that compassion in yourself through self-compassion exercises and a holistic look at oneself, facilitated by the therapist.

What different types of relationships enter the therapy room?

·   Married couples – Married couples who come into the therapy room to find each other again. All sexes and gender identifications are encompassed here.

·   Polyamorous couples- Couples who have more open relationships and have committed to seeing other partners and not being exclusive.

·   Premarital couples- Couples who are maybe thinking of getting married and want to be sure it is their life's partner and their values and beliefs align fully.

·   Separated or divorced couples- Couples who may have children and want to be the best parents they can for their children and want things to be amicable.

Is relationship counselling the best fit for us right now?

Some people actively engage in individual counselling and relationship counselling at the same time. Some people do a level of their own work before considering couples counselling.

How is mediation different to couples therapy?

When couples are contemplating giving mediation a try, they generally ask: How is mediation different from couples therapy? The short answer is: that they are very different. Couples therapy is focused on the whole relationship, whereas mediation is concerned with resolving a particular disagreement or conflict. Sometimes, the two approaches might feel similar. As you are both sitting in a room, discussing difficult and emotional issues with the assistance of a professional – but the goal of each approach is very different, and as a result, so is the process.

How do I know that relationship counselling is working?

In daily life, if you notice positive differences in your interactions with each other and your ability to resolve conflict effectively. You no longer resort to stonewalling or trying to exert control towards one another externally. In couples counselling, you will learn over time to pay more attention to one another, nurture and appreciate each other, and reassure one another that you both matter and value one another. 

It is a process, but here at Fettle, we are alongside you on this journey. We hope that as you begin relationship counselling, you and your partner will start to engage with one another in new and more positive ways. Through working with our qualified and accredited relationship counsellors, you will find relief not only during the 1-1 sessions but outside of the therapy sessions too.  To begin the healing journey schedule your first 1-1 session today!

Before you consider alternatives to couples therapy such as breaking up or getting a divorce, book your first online relationship counselling appointment. Some of our couples therapists are even available on the weekends.