Think you’re being Gaslit? Here's how to respond

Maybe statements like these sound familiar?

“I was only joking, can’t believe you’re so sensitive”
“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about”
“You’re imagining things”
“I actually think you’re going crazy, because that's not what happened”

If you’re hearing these type of statements from someone in your life you may be experiencing Gaslighting

Examples of Gaslighting

Countering. Question your memory or deny something happened.
Trivialising. Accuse you of overreacting and minimize your feelings.
Discrediting. Suggest to other people you can’t remember things correctly. This is potentially very damaging if it is happening at work.
Diversion. They will change the subject or turn it back on you with a false accusation.
Denying. They flat out deny an event or action and say they don’t remember.

Emotionally abusive family members or partners can use these tactics but they can also show up in your workplace which can be particularly emotionally destructive.

Here are 5 tips to take back control.

1, First make sure it is gaslighting

Sometimes, the person doing the gaslighting doesn’t know they’re doing it. Sometimes, it’s as much to do with their own insecurities around being wrong or having less power in a relationship as it is out of an active desire to undermine their partner.

Or this can be a deliberate tactic used to make their partner feel less confident and less likely to challenge them. This is a totally unacceptable thing to do and a very abusive behavior pattern.

Gaslighting is a malicious power tactic used to induce self doubt into someone's ideas of what the truth is. You need to evaluate if the relationship is worth saving, or if you simply need to leave. A therapist may be able to help you talk about these issues, sort out your feelings, and make an action plan.

2, Collect Evidence

The most important thing is that you set boundaries and practice self-care when collecting evidence as you don't want to unduly increase your anxiety.

Methods to collect evidence include taking screenshots of texts or emails, making notes on exact conversations including date and time (including voice memos), and taking photos if damage has been done to any property.

3, Don’t be concerned with trying to outsmart the person gaslighting you

No matter what evidence you turn up with, the person may immediately deflect, deny and turn everything back on you.

So the best way to outsmart someone who is gaslighting you is to walk away and disengage entirely with your perception of events intact. If you do engag with the person, remember statements like these.

Don’t tell me how to feel, this is how I feel
I will not continue with this conversation if you keep minimizing my feelings (set boundaries)
My feelings are valid, I don’t appreciate being told I’m too sensitive

4, Share your truth & increase your support network

Emotional isolation and dependence can be the goal of the person who is gaslighting as they may fall under a narcissistic character disorder.

The more we keep what's happening to ourselves the more seeds of doubt will grow over time where you really begin to doubt the reality of the situation.

You can reduce this isolation by sharing your truth with your close network and get external validation for what's happening.

5, Get professional support.

Emotional abuse can have a devastating impact on your life and is often very hard to confront. You have done nothing wrong but the nature of gaslighting has left you confused and doubting yourself.

If gaslighting is happening at work then you can approach your HR department. Or if it's a partner or family member then speaking to a professional therapist can be a very constructive way to get a safe and impartial view of what's happening.

The bottom line

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that a gaslighter is the only kind of person you’ll attract to your life. This is programming on the part of the abuser and not the truth. You’ll be OK; just keep pushing forward, you’re not alone and use your personal and professional support network when you can.