Does Relationship Counselling Work?

During a pandemic, it’s nearly impossible to separate our work lives from our personal lives, and our relationships are bearing the brunt. Online couples counselling can help. On average, couples therapy success rates are 74% higher than that of untreated couples. Still feeling unsure? Keep reading to learn the benefits and approaches of relationship counselling and tips on how to make it work for you and your partner.

It seems like so much is out of reach during the pandemic. 

Our lives have been turned upside down. Some have lost their jobs. Others have had to relocate. Some parents chose to homeschool their children. We had to shift our schedules and get creative in setting up our offices at home. All the while, relationships have had to sustain these stark changes. 

For many of us, it’s now nearly impossible to separate our work lives from our personal lives. You may be wondering if relationship counselling can help? It’s hard to say — many factors play into the effectiveness of couples counselling. 

In this article, we cover the benefits of, what to expect from, and how to make couples therapy work.

Whether you’re coupled, engaged, or married, relationship counselling may help. Face to face couples therapy is easily accomplished in a virtual setting. Book your first couples therapy session today.

What are some reasons for couples therapy?

The pandemic has certainly brought individuals in a relationship closer in proximity, but not necessarily emotionally. 

How to know if couples counselling will help is to just try it. Here are a few situations when relationship counselling is appropropriate:

• Before a break-up

• Before engagement

• Before marriage

• Before divorce

• When children are involved

• When one of you is a caretaker for a parent

• Lack of communication

• Arguing

• Intimacy issues

• Infidelity

Sometimes, however, relationship counselling may not be appropriate. In these cases, seeking protection or clinical treatment is needed. Here are some of those situations:

• Physical abuse

• Domestic violence

• Alcoholism

• Substance use

• Significant trauma experienced by either person

• One or both have depression, anxiety, or other mental health diagnoses

• Suicidal ideation

• Suicidal attempts

To be honest, counselling, in general, can benefit anyone, regardless of your relationship status. Single people and individuals in a relationship can benefit from therapy — even people in healthy marriages can benefit from individual or couples counselling. 

What are the benefits of couples therapy?

Before getting into the benefits of couples therapy, it’s important to understand that a therapist will not attempt to resolve any issue in particular. Instead, they teach couples different methods of communication so that they can resolve their own problems during sessions and also at home.

If a therapist focuses on problem-solving, then it’s likely that one individual will get defensive or claim that the therapist has taken a side.

The ultimate benefit of couples therapy is increasing communication — effective communication — through different types of exercises couples learn in therapy that use methods that can be replicated outside of therapy and applied to a multitude of situations the couple may face.

Communication is considered any type of interaction between two individuals in a relationship. Communication could be through speech, written words, body language, and even physical touch. 

Couples counselling benefits are a result of improved communication skills. Couples learn specific skills and methods to effectively communicate with one another. The results can lead to:

• Increased understanding of one another

• Increased emotional and physical intimacy

• Increased trust

• Discovering underlying causes of conflict

• Encouraging acceptance of one another

• Providing a safe space to heal

In addition to these positive outcomes, the Irish Council for Psychotherapy published an extensive review of studies that highlights, on average, the couples therapy success rate is 74% higher than that of untreated couples.

The same review of studies verified that it’s unlikely that couples counselling will make things worse. Only one in 10 cases deteriorate as a result of psychotherapy.

Going to a couples therapy center isn’t the safest option amidst a global pandemic — online relationship counselling using zoom or a secured app is safe and convenient. Several of our qualified therapists can provide couples therapy, and some even specialize in helping save marriages. Meet our relationship therapists and book now!

What are common approaches to couples therapy?

Depending on couple-identified challenges, certain relationship counselling techniques work better than others. We’ve provided a brief overview of some of the more common couples counselling methods and modalities to expect in sessions; however, your therapist may choose to utilize other methods more appropriate for you as a couple.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

The main goal of EFT is to expand and rearrange specific emotional responses, tighten the bond, and create new types of interactions. This method is especially helpful if one or both partners are dealing with depression.

Narrative Therapy

The main goal of narrative therapy is to separate the problem from the person by seeing issues as external from the relationship. The therapist will assist you in viewing the problems from other angles. Each person becomes part of the relationship dynamic and empowered to change the narrative.

Imago Relationship Therapy

This method is especially helpful if there is a great deal of criticism and anger in the relationship. This style of therapy helps each person understand that both people communicate differently.

Gottman Method

This method, developed by the Gottman Institute, uses techniques to increase closeness, affection, and respect through building love maps to help you both understand how your partner’s thought processes are shaped by their joys, hopes, stresses, and history. This method encourages each person to state their needs and focuses on conflict management which, in turn, builds trust.

Couples Counselling: What to Expect

The logistics: how many sessions, how often, how long is each session, how to find a good relationship counsellor, what’s it going to cost, when do we stop?

These are all questions you both want answers to right away but may not be answered until well into the process of couples therapy. 

The number and frequency of couples counselling sessions all depends on your shared goals, what methods are used, your level of participation, and progress reached along the way. 

Typically, couples begin with one session per week. Additionally, couples counselling sessions last for 60 to 90 minutes when individual sessions last only 50 minutes.

Some studies have shown that 20 to 45 individual psychotherapy sessions are needed to ensure 50-70% of clients recover. Other studies reveal that attending 10 to 16 sessions is the average, but if the couple agrees on one specific issue, their goals can be accomplished in as few as 6 to 8 sessions. 

The relationship counselling process can have several steps and stages. Your therapist will explain these to you and recognize your accomplishments along the way.

What exactly happens in a couples counselling session? Again, there are too many factors to predict. Definitely expect independent, joint, and interactive exercises. In fact, it’s likely your therapist will have you both complete a questionnaire or in-take form to get a better idea of the challenges you face as a couple. 

Other than the typical quizzes, worksheets, and homework, you both may be expected to keep a journal with or without prompts. And games always increase fun and reduce nervousness. 

The cost of couples therapy can vary widely. Other companies charge between €100 and €160 per session. Fettle offers couple’s counselling sessions for €70.

9 Tips on How to Make Relationship Counselling Work

What if couples therapy doesn’t work? Well, it’s difficult to determine a specific reason why couples therapy may not work because every couple, therapist, couples’ issues, and methods used are unique.

We’ve collected popular tips to make couples therapy work for you:

1. Couples therapy works only when both individuals participate 100%. No relationship can be “fixed,” so to speak — but marriage counselling helps facilitate increased connection that leads to both individuals working together to tackle life challenges.

2. It’s extremely important to be completely honest with your partner and the therapist. Withholding information or hiding insecurities will lead to reduced effectiveness of couples therapy

3. If one individual in the couple has any mental health diagnoses, treated or untreated, it’s recommended that the individual also have a personal therapist to address needs of the person and not the couple. In some cases, individual therapy and couples therapy can occur simultaneously. However, sometimes clinical treatment for conditions such as alcohol or drug use, depression, anxiety, or suicidal risk should be treated prior to beginning couples therapy.

4. The very first session will feel awkward and disjointed, as could the next few sessions. After several sessions, however, you both will have settled into the routine and will feel more and more comfortable as you go along.

5. Follow all instructions given by the couples therapist, during sessions and at home. Hold one another accountable for completing any homework or journal prompts.

6. Prepare for each session ahead of time — individually or together depending on the topic. Walk in with a list of objectives. Walk out with a list of tasks.

7. Practice. You’ve heard the expression, “in order to become a better public speaker, you just have to keep doing it.” Skills learned in relationship counselling follow the same precept. Reserve time for practice every day.

8. Make a list of goals, shared and individual, you hope to meet through couples therapy. DIscuss this list with your therapist and let them suggest order of priority.

9. Remember that sometimes therapy hurts, but that’s the only way healing can happen. Set aside an hour or two after each session and do something together that has nothing to do with the session. This practice can often decompress and ground you both. Go for a run together, watch a funny movie, be intimate. The options are endless. Reserve time for practice later in the week.

Before you consider alternatives to couples therapy such as breaking up or getting a divorce, book your first online relationship counselling appointment. Some of our couples therapists are even available on the weekends.